You know, i've gotten so caught up in everything else that I forgot about what my dreams were. For the longest time, I dreamed and said to myself i'm going to be a writer! I'm going to inspire others with my story. My story of recovery from a traumatizing childhood. I know i'm not the only one there are many many others who could stand before me and show me how lucky I am. I admit I am lucky in a way, everyone is no matter how hard they're hurting.

   I do and don't feel selfish about expressing my feelings. Selfish in a sense where it seems like my problems could be nothing compared to another. Non selfish in a way where I could say I can show people my weakness and struggles willingly. I'm an open person if I choose to be. I'm not some sort of monsterous person who only cares about themselves. When i'm deep as low as the depths as the black bottom of the ocean I rise up and help those who need me. I put others before myself and forget that I need and should love myself too. Instead I chose for a while to put it all into my boyfriend.
  
  No, that's not what I should do. I should put all my struggles and love towards myself. Encourage myself to be better. He questioned my independence, and you know what I can't blame him. I have been dependent and foolish. I've lost my self respect but maybe connecting with others I can realize i'm in a better state now to re-gain it. I don't need a man or people to be happy. I should find happiness with what i've got and embrace it. Others should too, but it's hard at times. We all learn that time is short or limited. We all give up once or twice, but we get up and try again. For ourselves and to show we have some sort of pride or dignity left to show. 

  I'm going to try and change myself for the better and love myself. I'm going to love others even if they don't love me. I'm going to try and make my life less stressful and do everything I have to. I'm going to try and pick up what's left of a forgotten dream and use it. Not all hope is lost for me or anyone else. We've all got one another to lean on if we try. Trust is hard to come by, but when you're in an emotional state where it doesn't matter what people do to you. Just love them and yourself, even if they hurt you. Your strength and determination will take you farther than them. You'll get your wings and fly above the clouds and see life is just as beautiful as you. 

  I'm sorry for not posting things to share recently, but I will say I love you all genuinely even if I don't know you. I hope you're all doing wonderful and stay true to you. <3

  Hello everyone, I'm glad if you're having a merry Christmas or a happy holiday. I just thought I'd share something because I like to talk on my journal whether it's read or not. Christmas had always been my favorite holiday of the year, the thoughts of happiness and family and being with the ones you love. Over the years Christmas just got more and more dull. Last year the most amazing-est gift I had was the guy I love. This year he's here again, but I told him something and I feel like nothing will ever be the same even though he promised me it is. I have a hard time accepting the truth and sometimes I can't read between the lines, shoot me if i'm over thinking it, but I think I fucked up the best thing I've ever had. It's always me doing things to ruin good things in my life. I kept something big from him, I'd like to think i'm a liar but he never asked before so it'd be hard. But sitting here I feel disgusting ugly and such a liar, I feel like i'm nothing. I won't be worth anything to him anymore, because of one small change. I'm just so sorry to him for me doing this to him. He didn't deserve something like this, but yet he hasn't done anything to show he's trying to break away from me either than being just a bit spacious. It could be because it's a family holiday and there are a lot of things to do. But in my insecure mind it doesn't seem that way. I'm just so depressed, lonely, and sad. Things will never be the same in my mind. "Sometimes it's just that easy" so he says, but to me I can't accept that. I feel like i've failed him, and now I don't deserve him. I don't deserve anything to be quite honest. I asked for one thing this year, and it was to see him. My sister ruined my chances to so now, I don't get one thing besides useless objects or clothes. None of those add up to him. I don't need anything for Christmas if I can't have him. Now, it seems i'm throwing myself a boo-hoo pity party, but I don't care. Sometimes we all need to cry and express our feelings with or with-out feed-back intended. I just want to die right now. T_T I'm tired of feeling alone and empty, and counseling just isn't going to cut it anymore. I need a break. From life. From caring, from loving, from everything that makes me me. Emotions please just go away. :/

So if none of you have watched the series on abc, I think you should. It's a really good show. I'm really digging the characters and the plot. It's really inspiring and fun to watch. I can't say i'm totally happy that we have to wait until January to continue where we left off, because right now they are in mid-season with it. Which completely sucks!! I must say..

People wonder where I get inspiration for my cc or my pictures and editing, right now My current picture is based off of the lying game poster.

Comparison: Show 



Comparison: My picture

Hay thar. Well AS CC dump week continues on, I have another something for you requested by my bffl Laura, strawbarrylolly She wanted this for a project and I kinda just put it in my fav colors. The blue color was mine though. I made the color I called it like Coastal or something. (Mesh by Anto Included) Also this is my Journal so If I want to be unprofessional and have a body shop picture instead of a in-game one, then so be it! >w<

Ah Hallo! *o* CC DUMP WEEK STRIKES AGAIN. I'm still lazy as hell but doing this! >w< These next items are old, with old pictures as well. Again converted from naver outfits. (Mesh by Nalin Included)

Well, in addition to CC Dump Week I have more old things for you. Which is why the pictures aren't the best. >_> Sorry. By the way, these are converted and recolored from a naver outfit I got a long ass time ago. (Mesh by Nalin included)

So, CC dump week continues! I finally found the files for these... -_- Lmao. Idk what happened. Had to rename and put it all back together. It was hell especially considering it's an old set. But enjoy and excuse me again for the old ugly sims! xD

This isn't too old and probably my favorite set of eyes that I have ever made. :) This is the second day of CC dump week. I hope you guys love these. You can recolor them as much as you like. <3 :D

Another old download to go with my cc dump, I had two more sets of eyes that were old but I can't find them.. o.o I'll ask a friend if they have them tomorrow. But this is all I have together for you tonight. Enjoy!